User:SacredSturgeon
SacredSturgeon (Acipenser Sacrum) is a one-of-a-kind specie of Sturgeon, known for it's immense size, strength, intelligence, and general awesomeness. It is known as one of the oldest species in existance, having been around since shortly after the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the Totality of Existence. It has numerous super powers, the most notable of which are it's Sacred Energy Beam, Sacred Energy Blast, ability to fly, and super strength. It's immortality is also often referred to as a super power, but this is incorrect: it is merely the result of SacredSturgeon being too lazy to die (see below).
Since 14-01-1989, SacredSturgeon has decided to grace the planet Earth with it's presence. Even the backward people of this puny planet eventually acknowledged his greatness, and as a result, SacredSturgeon has been given the honourable position of Supreme Overlord of the Nayru Clan.
SacredSturgeon as Supreme Overlord and Emperor of the Nayru Clan
On 22-04-2007, His Greatness, God-Emperor SacredSturgeon Ironfin the Magnificent, Supreme Overlord of the Imperium of Nayru, the Omnipotent Earth-Dragon who wields the Chainsaw-Bladed Exploding Axe of Wisdom, along with Princess Awkin I of Nayru, was given the single greatest honour the planet Earth had to offer: Supreme Overlordship of the Nayru Clan. Reportedly, the fish deity greatly enjoys modding the Clan. He has, among other things, valiantly been defending the title of Nayru's Lounge and other awesome Nayrulian threads against such horribly evil entities as Lioliolioliolioliolio.
SacredSturgeon's accomplishments
... Look elsewhere.
SacredSturgeon's infamous acquiring of immortality
This is a transcript that has taken place between the Grim Reaper and SacredSturgeon, in which SacredSturgeon successfully managed to argue his immortality:
Death: You cannot escape death. Everybody has to die at some point.
SacredSturgeon: So you're saying dying is one of those things I have to do eventually, right?
Death: Correct.
SacredSturgeon: Fair enough. In that case, I can do it later. Say, for example, next week.
Death: Well, I guess so, in theo...
SacredSturgeon: And obviously, if I can put it off until, say, next week, then next week I can put it off until the week after that. And then the week after that. Etcetera.
Death: Well...
SacredSturgeon: Therefore, I can keep putting it off, eventually forget about it, and end up never doing it.
Death: But...
SacredSturgeon: Ergo, I am immortal, as I am simply too lazy to ever die. QED, which is Latin for "owned".
Death: ... I hate you. *goes away*
- SacredSturgeon once defeated Tiwoth the Pink Fwuffy Dwagon. To this day, the pink fwuffy one denies this event ever took place. This is at least partly because said pink fwuffy creature, unable to live with the shame, forced himself to forget the event, and thus the dwagon has no idea of what the noble Emperor is talking about, and partly because the pink and fwuffy one likes to destroy anything that mentions him losing, for example by editing Wiki pages related to the glorious being that defeated him. HI TIWOTH THE PINK FWUFFY DWAGON! LOVELY WEATHER, INNIT? A bit dreary, actually. Anyway, if you'll actually tell me how, why, and when I "lost", I might possibly admit you're right - if you are. If not, I'll just treat it like more propaganda. Also, what happened to Wiki pages being neutral? Well, there was that time during the meet-up in London where I completely sabotaged all your attempts to use your camera for the purpose of Evil, and you were were clearly on the losing end of that one game of whatever-it-was-called that we didn't get to finish at the following meet-up. Also, I pointed out some picto-chat-related mistake or something of the kind you made, and have a greater resistance to spicy foods than you do. Oh, and there was that time when you thought "it's" is the possessive form of "it", which it isn't, and I pointed it out, and you wouldn't believe me but I was right. And probably many, many more occasions, but I just can't remember all of them. :3
- SacredSturgeon is an explodologist. Sadly, this entirely respectable branch of science still isn't officially recognised.
- SacredSturgeon is a prolific inventor. His inventions all have one thing in common: they all explode at some point. Any invention that can be used, discarded, disassembled and returned to it's base materials without it exploding has not been made by SacredSturgeon.
- SacredSturgeon's signature weapon is the Sacred Huge Double-Bladed Chainsaw-Bladed Exploding Axe of Wisdom, an ancient relic only SacredSturgeon can wield. Nobody really understands how on Earth SacredSturgeon manages to wield it, as fish do not have hands, only fins.